My Church Gig

If you’re single and work at a church in a production role then you already know where this is going.  Here’s what it’s like.

You:

• are perpetually available and value that as a positive spiritual attribute.
• are often commended for going above and beyond the call and lap up the admiration of your pastors.
• are secretly resentful for constantly having to bail out ministries that don’t plan their events well.
• find yourself on campus more evenings than there are days in a week and lament the lack of a social life. And the mere thought of the effort it would take to develop a social life on top of your job makes you queasy.
• find that all of your friends = workmates = church people = the same people you see 9 days a week.
• have more unused vacation than most pastoral staff.
• feel guilty for saying no because, though you won’t say it out loud, your personal time seems to carry less value than everyone else’s.
• wonder why you’re still single.

If you resonate with that list at all then you are my people. Here’s what I’m learning in my 40s, never married, having been committed to ministry in various forms throughout my life.

STOP.

Ask yourself candidly what quality of life you want for yourself. I’m not talking about money. I’m talking about spiritual wealth and emotional health.

Most of us crave a healthy balance in life but the fear of change is the headlights to our dear-in-the. The Bible suggests, and modern psychology confirms, that the human animal is hard-wired to make terrible decisions. Resistance to change no matter how positive the possible result is the norm; and dumb. (By the way, so is the fact that we are dead-set on holding on to our ideas of the way things are when all evidence and real-world feedback points to the contrary.)

Maybe these thoughts will help kickstart a change if you feel like you need one.

It’s Your Time

You do have more time to serve than most married people. In fact, Paul said it’s better to be single in ministry if you can get past the burning. Your time, like the money in your bank account, is a resource you’ve been entrusted to manage. Nobody hands direct access to their checking accounts to other people. That’s silly. Instead, we initiate transactions on our own and determine how much we pay or give out. We stay in control of our resources to use them wisely. If you’ve given your time to any person, institution, organization, or church in the form of a blank check then you have got to get it back.

God might very well want you to spend your time differently, branching out and diversifying your life experience. And, lets be honest. We support-ministry types love to nest ourselves into cozy corners of church service no matter how messy it gets. Un-nest yourself!  Take on a mentorship relationship with a kid, get into a softball league, take up a new hobby; put some play back into your life.

Your Salary and Job Description

Sure, you’re getting paid to all this stuff and there are hundreds people dying to have a job like yours. Still, the expectations on time and performance are pretty high in most churches. When it really comes down to it, any church will say, “Hey, we’re signing your paycheck so you’ll do what we ask you to do.” That’s fine but remember it’s a two-way street.

Your leaders probably love you sincerely and care about you personally. The nature of the job doesn’t though. The nature of the church gig will dump endless responsibilities on you; without a pay raise. Nobody means to harm you but nobody else is managing your personal health either. That’s your own gig.

Here’s the deal. If you’re too busy it’s because your church can’t afford everything you’re doing. By killing yourself to do more you’re not doing anyone any favors. Stick to your job description. If your responsibilities increase then restructure your job description and renegotiate your wage. I’m not talking about milking the system. Money is the common language of value. We all agree that a dollar is worth a dollar. Coming to an agreement on how many dollars a job is worth is the only common language we have to speak.  Don’t worry. You’ll still be comfortably under-paid.

Take a Vacation

If you’ve got vacation time to take then plan to take it.  If you’re introverted then get away by yourself.  Don’t worry about other people feeling sorry for you “having to” take vacations alone.  I love it – but then, I actually like myself.  My favorite place to chill alone is the Oregon Coast and I’ll be heading there again in a couple months.  Taking vacation will liberate you from the savior complex that’s eating your life out from under your feet.  Prepare the best you can but when you’re away turn off the phone, email, and twitter, and let things at home burn down if they have to.

Well, I could go on for days but this is a really long post already.  I’d love to hear any thoughts from other singles in ministry – or production people who feel over-worked.  I could use the conversation.

This entry was posted on Thursday, June 25th, 2009 at 4:20 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.